House Rule #2 – brotherly love

I recently joined the “Renovation” Rock ministry team. You can’t imagine how thrilled I was last Sunday (my first time to participate in the team meeting) to find that they were in the process of memorizing Romans 12:9-21. What an amazing passage for a ministry team to memorize and discuss and put into practice together. In my humble opinion, it is one of the core passages in the New Testament that lay out the “house rules” — i.e., the guidelines that Christ wants us to follow as we relate with each other in His household. I’ve studied this passage for years, I’ve taught it, and I’ve probably been more influenced by it than by any other when it comes to my expectations for how I should view and relate with others in the family of God.

This is one passage that we should all be familiar with. Just look at the first verse-and-a-half of this passage . . .

“Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love . . .”

Wow! Stop and think about that for a minute. Is that setting the bar high or what? Without hypocrisy, the real deal, no act, no show, no pretense – pure, undefiled love. That is easier said than done. What does love without hypocrisy look like?

(parenthetical note: If you want to study this passage for yourself, here’s the structure: 12:9 – the main theme – love without hypocrisy; 12:9 & 12:21 – the bookends (hate what is evil, cling to what is good); 12:10-13 – the good that we are to cling to; 12:14-20 – the evil that we are to hate)

12:9&21 give us the core of what pure love looks like — it hates what is evil (in relationships), and it clings to what is good (in relationships). In fact, it overcomes the evil in relationships with good. And what are those good things that genuine love clings to? Read vs. 10-13. And what are those evil things that unhypocritical love hates and overcomes? Read vs. 14-20.

But check out this next phrase. I’ve got to be honest. The image in this next phrase has marked me for life. From the moment that I first understood it, I realized that I was home. I did not have to look any further. God understood the deepest yearnings of my heart and had provided me with a true family to practice them with. Here is the phrase I’m talking about — “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.” (NASB) That may be the single most powerful statement of the “House Rules” in the entire Bible. If you and I were to grasp this one concept and put it into practice, it would revolutionize all of our relationships with one another.

There is a powerful word picture in this phrase that is a little clouded in the English. Paul uses a Greek word in this sentence that is used nowhere else in the Bible. In fact, he combines two Greek words into one in order to make his point. The first is the word from which the city of Philadelphia (the city of brotherly love) gets its name. It literally refers to the committed love of brothers — you know — close family, nothing comes between us, together until the end. That in itself would be a powerful thing for Paul to tell us to emulate in the church. But he adds to it another word. The second word was used in secular Greek culture to refer to the tender affection which exists between close family members, like you see between a parent and child, or a mother and her baby, or any two family members who have strong feelings of affection for one another. The King James version of the bible may actually do the best job of translating this phrase when it says “be kindly affectioned to one another with brother love.” There are two critical elements here that mark all mature family love — (1) a permanent, uncompromising devotion to one another, and (2) a tender affection for one another. The absence of either leaves it lacking.

This is the paradigm that God gives us for our relationships with one another in His household. We are family — literally. We are brothers — literally. We’ve been adopted by the same Father. We have the same older Brother (Jesus). We’re going to spend eternity together in the same kingdom. And it is God’s will that we start acting like it now. He wants us to relate like an ideal family. What other kind of family would He have? Everyone wants to have a perfect family — an environment where there is unconditional acceptance, freedom to be who you are, no fear of being rejected, genuine love, free flowing affection. God has placed the yearning for such relationships in the heart of every person. You can see this in every small child. The church is meant to be exactly that — as close as you can get to an ideal family this side of heaven.

There are two central characteristics of this “brotherly love” in an ideal family that we are to have for one another. First, in God’s ideal family, the family members are totally committed to each other, and nothing can come between them. “We’re together come hell or higher water,” my grandmother used to say. Separation is out of the question. No problem is too big. No conflict is too major. Second, in God’s ideal family, the affection flows. Family members realize that they belong to each other, and they enjoy each other. There is a playfulness, a tenderness, a kindness, an intentional demonstration of “I like you” and “I love you” that cannot be missed. It is both verbal and physical (in only wholesome and appropriate ways, of course, because love hates evil).

Here is House Rule #2 – be devoted to one another and tenderly affectionate to one another just like close brothers, because you are.

It is to our shame that this is not what the church of Jesus Christ is usually known for today. So many people who claim to follow Christ are very worldly in their commitment to His family. Too often, our commitment to one another lasts only as long as we agree and get along. Too often our affection for one another is limited to begin with and turns downright cold at the slightest provocation. Brothers, this should not be. This ought to be our trademark.

Are you devoted to God’s family? Are you committed to the specific local church that you are a part of? Let me be more blunt and specific with you. Is there anyone (and I mean anyone) in that group that you are not committed to? Anyone that you wish would just leave? Anyone that you wish you wouldn’t have to be around, deal with, face, try to be nice to? We all can struggle with that at times (out of our selfishness), but it should not be a state in which you or I remain. If you are in that state at this time, it’s time to repent. By separating yourself from a brother, do you realize what you are doing? Do you think it pleases the Father to have His children not get along? Do you think He is training us to mistreat one another? Do you think He would even listen to us if we approached Him about voting one of His kids off of the island? We’re His kids. He’s adopted each of us. He paid the same price for each one of us — Jesus’ death on the cross. He is totally devoted to us. We don’t have the right to not be devoted to one another. If anyone has the right to disown anyone in the family of God, it is the oldest brother — Jesus. We are all misfits compare with Him. Yet He not only welcomes each of us with loving arms, but He has gone out of His way to serve us and sacrifice for us without conditions. He’s our example. In this family, everyone belongs . . . period.

Are you affectionate toward your brothers in Christ? You’ve may have heard it said, “I know I have to love him, but I don’t have to like him.” Wrong! You won’t find that in the Bible. In this passage, we are commanded to demonstrate the tender affection of close family members. Look at Jesus. Look at His tender, kind, affectionate manner. He’s our example. So let me be blunt again? Do you like the members of your church family? Is there anyone (and I mean anyone) that you simply do not like. Is there anyone that you are not warm and kind and affectionate toward? You won’t always have warm feelings toward all of them, but don’t let that stop you. Your feelings follow your thoughts and your actions. If your thoughts and actions towards your brothers are loving, your feelings will follow. If you are harming the family dynamic by disliking or being cold toward a brother, it’s time to repent. Do you think it pleases the Father for us to not like each other? Do you think He is training us to be cold to one another? May it never be! He is tenderly in love with each of us, and He wants us to view and treat each other the way that He does. He wants us to imitate Him. We don’t have the right to dislike each other, to stand aloof from one another — not in God’s family.

House Rule #2 in God’s household – love each other like true brothers — the tender, affectionate, uncompromisingly devoted love of close brothers.

It’s a tall order, my brothers. But walking together in Christ, with the power of the Spirit inside of us, it is a goal we can aspire to and make progress toward. We should settle for nothing less.